


New Town Burnout

by TobyAddison



Series: 10 Songfics Challenge [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Animal Collective, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Ficlet, Gen, Songfic, Swan Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 12:12:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobyAddison/pseuds/TobyAddison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place at the very end of Swan Song. After Sam Winchester ends up in the cage, Dean is not okay. Songfic of "New Town Burnout" by Animal Collective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Town Burnout

**Author's Note:**

> The first of my 10 Songfics Challenge! Basically what I'm doing is I put my iPod on shuffle and I will be writing ten unrelated songfics from the first ten songs that came up. This is of "New Town Burnout" by Animal Collective, which you can listen to here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oblEdlJ9hPg

By the time Dean Winchester is thirty-two, he has died three times.

The first time was when he held the weakening body of his brother Sam in his arms, watching as the life left his form and pleading with him not to die, even though he knew it was pointless.

The second time was only a year later, at the hand of Lilith’s hellhounds, feeling the flesh and meat being stripped from his bones and seeing Sam’s terrified and horrified expression from the other side of the room.

The third time is now, as he watches his two brothers – one of whom he barely knows – jump into a pit in the ground, tumbling into the pits of Hell far below.

_When I make it, when I make it_  
 _When I make it back home,_  
 _Back home,_  
 _I’ll take my shoes off,_  
 _I’ll take my coat off,_  
 _I'll leave my belongings alone,_  
 _Alone._

Dean then wants nothing more than to fight, to scream and punch and kick and claw and do whatever he has to do to bring Sam back. Cas tries talking to him once afterwards, but it doesn’t work. Nothing works. So he drinks. He drinks until he forgets. And then he drinks until he remembers.

“You go find Lisa. You pray to God she’s dumb enough to take you in. You have barbecues and go to football games. You go live some normal apple pie life, Dean. Promise me!”

Sam hadn’t wanted this. He hadn’t wanted Dean to turn into the nervous alcoholic wreck that he is now. He had wanted Dean to live a normal life. So Dean tries.

_No more at the wrong time,_  
 _No more at the wrong place,_  
 _No more getting through trials at sight,_  
 _No more little fights._  
 _Never more a broke mess at night._

Dean goes to Lisa, like Sam told him to. She lets him in and takes him in. God knows why. He’s a mess and clearly not emotionally stable. But he’s grateful. He tells her that every night. And he tells her he’s okay. He tells himself he’s okay.

He’s not.

Dean Winchester wants his brother back.

Lisa and Ben can fill the void, but only so much. There’s still an empty piece that Dean fills with alcohol when it gets to be too much to bear. As time passes, the hole begins to close, but it never does completely.

Dean Winchester pretends he is okay.

_Out of my body, out of my mind._  
 _Out of my body, out of my mind._  
 _Out of my…_

He still prays at night, sometimes. Lisa isn’t religious, and with everything that’s happened, Dean isn’t sure what to think of the God that’s supposed to be up there. He doesn’t even know if God is even there.

Dean prays to Cas, mostly. He knows it’s useless. He hasn’t seen Cas since the one time the angel tried to approach him after Lucifer and Michael ended up in the cage. Dean keeps trying anyways. At least it feels like someone is listening.

_Lift this weight, weight, weight._  
 _Leave my light, light on, light._  
 _Lift this weight, weight, weight._  
 _Leave my light, light on, light…_

Dean Winchester is not okay.


End file.
